Ahhh...humor. My favorite!
- Before you give someone a piece of your mind, make sure you can
get by with what's left!
- "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
- I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
- The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
- We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
- The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
- Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
- I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
- He who laughs last thinks slowest!
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Give me ambiguity! Or give me something else!
- Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
- There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
- I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
- Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
- I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
- Assassins do it from behind.
- If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
- Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
- Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
- I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
- Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
- Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
- Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. (YES!!!)
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.